Many men today struggle to understand what it is exactly that makes them attractive or unattractive to women. This is likely due to conflicting information they receive about this ever-relevant topic. Many have profited off of this confusion, selling bestselling guide books based on less than accurate information by appealing to common wisdom and easy solutions to complex problems. But what are women really attracted to? We are here to provide you with some sound suggestions.
We are going to go over 10 things you can do to attract girls. Make sure to read until number 10 – it might not completely surprise you, but it will certainly point you in the right direction.
1. Show interest and enthusiasm.
This point may be common sense, but it is actually backed by robust psychological research. Many studies in the field of interpersonal attraction seem to indicate that you can increase the likelihood of being perceived as attractive to women and girls by expressing your interest in them and showing your enthusiasm by using simple conversational strategies. For example, a study conducted by McFarland, Jurafsky and Rawlings in 2013 demonstrated that some conversational tactics were effective at sparking romantic interest in both men and women. Both sexes were more attracted to individuals who used “I” statements, avoided hedgy language (“kind of”, “sort off”, “I don’t know”, “I guess”) and enthusiastically shared stories about topics they were passionate and emotional about, showing that with variations in their voice tempo and volume. In short: don’t let the conversation lag, show passion and excitement about topics you are talking about and rely on statements rather than just questions to keep the conversation going.
2. Ask a girl for a personal favor instead of just doing favors for her.
It may sound counterintuitive, but asking your love interest for a personal favor can create attraction. This technique is based on the so-called Benjamin Franklin effect, which states that people are more likely to do you a favor if they have already done some for you in the past, rather than if you have done favors for them. This is a result of something called “cognitive dissonance” – a psychological tension that arises when a person’s actions are incongruent with their beliefs, ideas or values. They resolve that tension by changing some of those components to be more in line with their actions. So, if you ask a girl to do a personal favor for you, she may reason that she must be doing favors for you because she likes you, which can create her attraction to you.
3. Leave a little room for mystery and unpredictability.
According to something called “the Zeigarnik effect”, people have a psychological tendency to remember an uncompleted task more readily than a completed one. So, how does this relate to your love life? When applied to attraction, it means that a girl is more likely to remember you – and therefore, like you – if you let slight mystery surround you, leaving the girl you like with a couple of unknowns about you. Intimacy and openness are important, but when it comes to romantic and sexual attraction, a little unpredictability goes a long way.
4. Make sure to move around in the same circles as your love interest. Research in social psychology seems to indicate that proximity is an important factor in how people perceive each other. In other words, the more two individuals are geographically close, the more it is likely that they will form a relationship of every kind – including a romantic one. This phenomenon is the result of something called “the Mere Exposure Effect”, which states that people have a tendency to like novel stimuli, including people that they repeatedly encounter. The takeaway – get geographically and physically close to the specific girl you fancy.
5. Imitation really is the sincerest form of flattery.
Various studies have shown that people in general, including the girl you are trying to impress, like people who subtly mimic their own actions and behaviors. According to Geugen, Jacob and Martin (2009), this social mimicry makes people seem more relatable and persuasive, and it is justustifiably assumed that it can benefit men to mimic the women they like in order to build romantic rapport and sexual attraction. However, don’t overdo it, because it may come across as forced and creepy.
6. Don’t be overly available.
Social psychologist Roy Baumeister has formulated a theory often termed “sexual economics”, which applies economic principles to dynamics in heterosexual relationships. One of the key principles that can be easily applicable to theories of attraction is – scarcity, as opposed to abundance. Scarcity represents the limited availability of something – your attention, in this case – that is valued exactly because of its limited nature. If we apply the supply-and-demand principle to romantic and sexual attraction, it is easy to assume that your constant availability and unlimited attention freely given to your romantic interest likely won’t result in attraction. This doesn’t mean that you have to obsessively play games, just that you need to value your time and resources if you want a girl to feel attracted to you.
7. Communicate using body language.
Our previous point is relevant to this one. Although you shouldn’t be overly available to a girl, you should still be somewhat available to capture her interest. One of the best ways to show interest is through body language. Studies in this area have shown that keeping your torso, chest and abdomen open to the world is the best way to signal your availability. Also, what you do with your hands is extremely important. Research indicates that people find individuals appealing if they can see their hands. If a girl you are courting can’t see your hands, she will have trouble trusting you. You should be aware of these non-verbal cues you subconsciously give off and use adequate body language to spark the interest and attraction of the woman you are trying to seduce.
8. Maintain a formidable presence.
It’s been a well known fact that interpersonal dominance in men increases their sexual attractiveness, if not their overall likeability, to females. This does not include aggressive and domineering behavior, but rather a tendency to adopt responsibility, be a leader and project confidence. You should use this information to build a presence, strength and character that everyone is going to appreciate, and most women will find rather irresistible.
9. Project a high-status image.
Research in social psychology has revealed that people in general like to associate with individuals whom they perceive to be of high status. It goes without saying that this fact is easily applicable to women’s attraction to high status males. Although most people would gladly be affiliated with people who are wealthy, attractive, healthy, fun and friendly, availability of such individuals is limited through something that is known as “social exchange” in psychology. Basically, men who are perceived to be high status will trade that status as a resource for female attention and attraction. What this means for you is that you can build attraction through displaying high status characteristics, even if you are not extremely wealthy or extroverted. Perception is the key here. It should be noted that this “fake it ‘till you make it” principle is sustainable in male-female relationships only if you do actually manage to acquire high status in the meantime or you already have it.
Remember you have to “make it” as well and you can’t just keep faking it.
10. Maximize your physical attractiveness.
Whether we like it or not, physical appearance is the trait that dictates most male-female couplings. In the simplest of terms – the most attractive men usually couple with the most attractive women and vice versa. This principle works as a sorting algorithm – the most attractive people pick other attractive people, and if they are unsuccessful in securing the most attractive partner, they lower their attraction standards to the next most attractive person they can get. This has been demonstrated repeatedly since the 1960’s, when first research about this topic emerged.
Anthropologist Helen Fisher from Rutgers University studied hundreds of people in love and concluded that the human body knows within a single second whether it finds someone attractive or not. Other studies indicate that people take about 15-30 seconds to form first impressions about a person mostly based on their physical appearance. While this might sound pessimistic and deterministic, it is important to know that it is always possible to modify your appearance in a variety of ways – by wearing clothes that fit you and highlight your best features, by changing your hairstyle, facial hair and many other things.
For example, in one study, women rated men with light stubbles to be the most attractive, while they considered males with light beards the most dominant. In some cases, losing weight and frequenting the gym can help you achieve an attractive presentation.
With this in mind, we can conclude that it is possible to maximize your overall attractiveness to women and that in romantic and sexual relationships there can be a place for a little unpredictability.